Bring inhome the importance of strong network

One of the evidence- based sign that someone’s recovery journey is sustainable is having a good social network & strong family network. A few things in the last couple of weeks have brought this home to me. Firstly having a girlfriend I can occasionally travel with to explore mutual interests like New grange led to a very energising weekend in Ireland, which made me feel 20 years younger, it also left me longing to see old friends. Last Friday I drove down from the island in one go with Rory & Francesca to Gloucestershire to visit my parents the kids were great considering we had all got up at 5am to catch the early ferry & didn’t arrive in until 21.15.

Saturday I went to Cheltenham & old haunt & met up with my daughter Alex & her boyfriend Matt, it was lovely to see her happy, I left them to go to my oldest wisest friend in Gloucester Terry & her partner Simon & 2 other close friends Toby & Sue, its over 2 years since I have seen them but it was just like fitting on an old comfortable glove it made me realise how much good friendship is worth as we sat reminiscing, arguing and debating around the dinner table. 2 years apart just faded into the background & I felt I was living around the corner again. Friendship helps me keep that sense of who am I? my values & my journey through life so far

Yesterday was special for the first time for a few years my brother, sister, & me were in one place sharing lunch, I had brought down with me one of our own pork roasting joints, some of our kids were there happily playing together, & as is usual with families we adults had started arguing over politics, values etc, it ended amicably but also gave me that sense of how like & how different I am from my family. I love to see them & be with them, but I am also glad that I live far enough away in order to keep my own identity.

Recently in training I had 2 workers from Kerala, they were lovely people & we were discussing the importance of having a strong extended family, but they also pointed out that this led them to have much less freedom to be themselves as respect for their elders & belief in this model of caring for each other, meant they as individuals had to give up much of their individuality. Although I long for the return of the extended family in western culture, I actually probably enjoy more the freedom I have to be different than my family. I also passionately believe that children once they reach 18 need to leave home and grow up, take risks & learn what living is all about. I am proud of my 2 eldest children as I watch them takes those leaps into adulthood, they are always on the end of the phone but have the freedom to explore who they want to be with out me breathing down their necks, I must admit though facebook is an interesting way of keeping tags on them !

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Ron Coleman and Karen Taylor have an international reputation as speakers and authors. They are the directors of ‘Working to Recovery Limited’ an innovative international consultancy, training and publishing company with a cutting edge approach to supporting and improving mental health provision.

A spiritual quest ....

At last some leisure time, Seppi my friend from Lewis & I had a whole weekend to explore county Meath & County Louth in Ireland, before I worked in Ardee for 2 days last Monday & Tuesday.

We had planned the visit as we had been told about New grange but to have a whole weekend of visiting sacred & historical sites with out kids was amazing, to take time, read all the signs, feel the silence was food for the soul, then to have the evenings Guinness, good red wine & fine Irish cuisine staying in a posh hotel thanks to an upgrade with priority club was sublime.

Many of you will know about my passion for spirals & search for spiritual meaning that they have taken me on, so to visit Knowth & New grange was an exciting climax to the weekend. 

 

We started out on the Friday, visiting Monasterboice, & the huge Celtic crosses there, followed by a visit to a castle & driving down the back roads to Dundalk where we were staying. The hotel was pleasant with a lovely big room with 2 huge beds. We had a brief rest before hitting the town, we felt like 2 teenagers again, 2 pints of Guinness later we decided to find somewhere to eat, the restaurant next door had been recommended by the taxi driver, & it was good, we had a wonderful rum concoction whilst we waited for a table & spent the next 3 hours gassing, eating & drinking good red wine.

Next day we visited the Cooley mountains home of the Tain legends, drove around trying to find various megalithic monuments, some were more elusive than others & spent the evening watching “strictly come dancing” then to the hotel restaurant for a reasonable meal.

Sunday we had made for New grange we set out in anticipation, I felt very excited & quite intense, as to what effect the place would have on me.

Knowth the first mound was probably more interesting than New grange, it had less visitors and you cant go into the centre of the mound, but the art work on the stones were incredible, many were covered in spirals, diamonds & other shapes& they were carved into the stones 3600 years ago, Knowth has half the worlds known Neolithic art on the stones surrounding the mound, it is an incredibly spiritual & sacred place. & has chambers facing the east & west for the autumn & spring equinox.

New grange you are allowed right into the centre of the burial chamber, at one point they turn out the lights & simulate the sun rising on the winter solstice for 17 minutes the light enters the burial chamber, even the simulation felt very moving. What caught my eye was the stone carving of a fern, obviously this was related to the spirals but was the first time I had seen the fern symbol outside of NZ, what interests me more is that the spiral is both a Maori & Celtic symbol both interpret it as a sign of renewal, growth, regeneration, recovery.

The people also share similar traits, great warriors, live in a clan system, women are revered& they both talk to their ancestors.

Interestingly it was NZ that started my spiritual quest, & moving to Lewis has continued that journey.

The feeling that returns to me again and again is that doing the recovery work is part of my spiritual destiny, it feels so right to be doing this work there is such a strong feeling in my heart when we run the champions course & I watch as people start to heal themselves. If I can be this catalyst for healing what an honour that is. If one person on one of our courses goes away with a sparkle back in their eye and a sense of developing pride in themselves then what a fantastic life I have. I have felt the need to be identified as a healer for a few years now, sometimes that feels authentic sometimes I really question am I up to this, but I suppose the most important aspect is to remember that the person heals themselves I just put my self out there willing to walk a little bit of the journey with them. Recovery for me is definitely about Love, deep love for the human condition, for our vulnerability, for our frailties, for our humanness. I am a flawed person, with my own guilt & shame but I can be a role model for others to believe that this life is truly worth living

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Ron Coleman and Karen Taylor have an international reputation as speakers and authors. They are the directors of ‘Working to Recovery Limited’ an innovative international consultancy, training and publishing company with a cutting edge approach to supporting and improving mental health provision.